Have you ever been doing something mundane and get lost in thought? I do and often! Usually while doing dishes or folding laundry. This morning I encountered overwhelming feelings of love for my children. I was looking around at the messes here, there, and everywhere that once again didn't get picked up before bed. I recalled saying (ok..more like yelling) a few days ago, "Look around this place; how many of these messes are mine? So why am I always cleaning up messes that aren't mine?!" They just kind of stared at me, wondering if they should answer or just say 'Yes ma'am' and get to cleaning (which makes me laugh when recalling their little faces).
What struck me was this: although it bothers me that my children can't seem to clean up after themselves and even when they do some extreme cleaning, I have to go back after them and do it my standards; even if we never get that chore chart up and running and I have to run around after Caleb and Colin during the day while they create chaos and mayhem (lol); even if I have to wash sheets every day until Cayden quits wetting the bed; even if Colin has to fall asleep in my bed until he's 5; even if I have to buy grocery store makeup until Katy starts buying her own; even if my car looks like a "trash bomb" went off and I can't see out the windows at night; even if...you get my point...EVEN IF they someday go against everything I've taught them and do something to break my heart, I will still love them and be here for them. I will keep my arms open and be a consistent source of encouragement and love.
They each bring something different to my life and I am quite sure there would be a piece missing if I would have done the unthinkable. There were times when I didn't think I could be the mother of 2 kids and now here I am, 3 more blessings later. Fear and doubt really wreaked havoc on me. I've gone through bouts of depression and came out on the other side a very thankful mama! I'm lucky: I have The Rock to lean on, a Firm Foundation, and the Lover of my soul leading me. I don't want to think of how events would have turned out if I would have denied The Truth I've known since I was about 8 or 9 years old. Frightening. I'd probably be dead or insane! Say what you want; I'm a hypocrite, I'm a dumb religious fanatic...but I know what God has done for me and I've witnessed what He's done for others. THAT can never be taken away.
So today's post is all about love. An odd turn for me..I don't get mushy very often. Seems to be happening frequently- maybe that means something??