Caleb and Colin. My own personal comedy team...mini-sized. They play hard, fight hard, and (eventually) crash hard. Usually referred to as "the little boys" because they are. But mostly, they are just boys. 150%.

They're always together.

This was on a recent hike. We had to stop every few seconds to throw a rock into a puddle or find a stick to break into 50 pieces. Very hardcore. They did amazing for little guys but on the way down I carried them. Yes, I carried both of them down a mountain. At the same time. I am mommy- Hear me roar! lol

am i really THAT old??

  Old and Uncool. That's how I felt this morning. I always feel uncool but hardly ever old. I decided to go in with the kiddos this morning and brave the messy, chatty breakfast crowd. I usually warn them before we leave the house but this morning I was so proud of them for getting up and ready in 20 minutes (because SOMEbody forgot to set the alarm) that I just parked and got out with them. I didn't think it was that big of a deal but apparently, my dear sweet Kennadi did. She stopped, looked me up and down, and gave me a smug little smile. This is how the conversation went:

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Are you coming in with us?"

"Yeah. I thought I'd have breakfast with you guys."

"You're gonna come in with us wearing that?"

"Why not?"

"It's your pajamas mom."

"So."

"That's embarrassing."

  Talk about crushed! But I went in anyway. I mean, I wasn't in a thong and tank top- it my old Colorado Buffaloes shirt w/ holes and bleach spots and my (Jeff's) blue (men's) Polo p.j. pants. Not classy, I'll admit but I mean, come one, it's a couple lunch ladies and a collection of snot-nosed, messy haired grade schoolers. It obviously still bothered not just Kennadi but Cayden also because they practically flew through that line and quickly found a spot big enough for the two of them and no one else. So Katy and I got our (incredibly disgusting) food and sat at an almost empty table like a couple'a dorks. I could overhear Kenna telling her friends rather loudly about her "mom in the p.j.'s over theeeeeere".

  I guess it was bound to happen. Eventually they were gonna be at that age where every little thing matters and goes against their "cred". At least they still give me hugs and kisses in the car. I better savor those little things, cuz I'm sure they'll be going, going, gone sooner than I'd like to admit.

Love struck

Have you ever been doing something mundane and get lost in thought? I do and often! Usually while doing dishes or folding laundry. This morning I encountered overwhelming feelings of love for my children. I was looking around at the messes here, there, and everywhere that once again didn't get picked up before bed. I recalled saying (ok..more like yelling) a few days ago, "Look around this place; how many of these messes are mine? So why am I always cleaning up messes that aren't mine?!" They just kind of stared at me, wondering if they should answer or just say 'Yes ma'am' and get to cleaning (which makes me laugh when recalling their little faces).

What struck me was this: although it bothers me that my children can't seem to clean up after themselves and even when they do some extreme cleaning, I have to go back after them and do it my standards; even if we never get that chore chart up and running and I have to run around after Caleb and Colin during the day while they create chaos and mayhem (lol); even if I have to wash sheets every day until Cayden quits wetting the bed; even if Colin has to fall asleep in my bed until he's 5; even if I have to buy grocery store makeup until Katy starts buying her own; even if my car looks like a "trash bomb" went off and I can't see out the windows at night; even if...you get my point...EVEN IF they someday go against everything I've taught them and do something to break my heart,  I will still love them and be here for them. I will keep my arms open and be a consistent source of encouragement and love.

They each bring something different to my life and I am quite sure there would be a piece missing if I would have done the unthinkable. There were times when I didn't think I could be the mother of 2 kids and now here I am, 3 more blessings later. Fear and doubt really wreaked havoc on me. I've gone through bouts of depression and came out on the other side a very thankful mama! I'm lucky: I have The Rock to lean on, a Firm Foundation, and the Lover of my soul leading me. I don't want to think of how events would have turned out if I would have denied The Truth I've known since I was about 8 or 9 years old. Frightening. I'd probably be dead or insane! Say what you want; I'm a hypocrite, I'm a dumb religious fanatic...but I know what God has done for me and I've witnessed what  He's done for others. THAT can never be taken away.

So today's post is all about love. An odd turn for me..I don't get mushy very often. Seems to be happening frequently- maybe that means something??

"it's hot cocoa tiiiiime!!!..."

...That's what I heard first thing yesterday morning, coming from my darling oldest boy. You shoulda seen his face, it was classic! And he was correct: it was a blustery day and I was unprepared. I couldn't even try to fake it by throwing together what we have on hand (which I often do, much to my children's displeasure). So to the store we went and of course, the most important ingredient, the marshmallows, were forgotten. Luckily they either didn't notice or just didn't care- which made me want to go back and get some since they weren't being dramatic about it (I woulda been!). It. Was. Gooooood. In my mind, the first official day of fall is when you need to drink hot beverages to keep your insides warm.

The kids get all giggly over hot cocoa and I get all bothered over soup. There's something about it. Soup is a beautiful thing. The first thing I always think of when reminiscing about it, is my mom's potato, green bean and bacon soup. "Dear Lord, thank you for my mom and her soup. Amen." (sorry, I just had a moment). I used to have a kick-ass cookbook that was strictly for the soup lover. It was beautiful as far as cookbooks go and missed much. I'm making chicken noodle soup a day late- it's supposed to be almost 70 today. The kids are running around in shorts again after being bundled up all day yesterday but seemed genuinely happy when I told them what's for lunch. Yay..perhaps they'll learn to love soup in any weather like moi! (doubtful though)

Just saw an advertisement for one of the lamest toys I've seen in awhile. Ever heard of Dance Star Mickey? He walks, talks, and dances! *gasp* What a new concept! Children all over the world are in amazement: "You mean my plush Mickey can come to life before my very eyes?!!" Yes, kiddies...he'll moonwalk right into your heart!

Ugh. There are two strange things about this:

#1- it looks like a retro toy from an antique store that you pass by and go "Awww..I remember when I used to like Mickey". Seriously. What's up with that?

#2- It's a different price at every store. $69.99 at Toys 'R US, $79.99 at Target, $89.95 at Amazon.com and $99.95 at Gettington. WTF?? The only thing I could come up with is that for $30 more you get the soul of Michael Jackson inside....

early mornings

I've recently started getting up an hour or two before the kids to get things done. I don't know what prompted this but I'm finding that I'm more productive before they get up than after they go to bed. I don't realize how exhausted I am at the end of the day because I've been increasingly waking up fully dressed in the morning! I'll lie on the bed and think about all there is to do, turn on the computer or t.v. and fast-forward to 6a.m...what the heck happened?!! I remember not so long ago, I'd stay up til the wee hours reading or journaling. Now I can't even greet midnight. Makes me feel old.
So this morning I did some laundry, made coffee, set out the kids' clothes, drank coffee, put away the dishes in the dishwasher, drank more coffee, killed 2 spiders (yuk!), drank 3rd cup of coffee...you get the point. I've concluded that I really don't get as much done as I let myself believe but damn it if I don't get my caffeine in before the day starts and chaos insues!
Today I'm going to Wal-Mart. I really loathe that place. Truly. We used to go there nearly daily in Pine Bluff because it was the only store open all night (that's a whole story in itself..). Now I go once a month, maybe twice. I don't know what the scientific reasoning is for it, but 90% of the time my hands start to swell and get itchy when I'm in that store. My mom says it happens to her too. Does it happen to anyone else? I have a hypothesis but I think I'll just google it as testing my idea would mean having to go in there. Ick.

what it is?

So here's blog numero dos. This will be all about the fam. It kinda happened by accident but I'm gonna roll with it. I'm not gonna lie- I like talkin about my kiddos just as much as the next mama. And there are some extended family members that I'm sure would appreciate being kept up to date. Or not. Who knows. ha.
As we're getting into fall, I start getting really nostalgic and weird. All the sudden I like lots of hugs and cuddling (I know...gross, huh?). The windows are always open and new smells come drifting through the house like an invisible fog. I am a homebody and I'm savoring these last years (or months..who knows) of no sports practice, music recitals and/or dance schedules. I also start panicking about the kids being inside more with nothing to do other than watch t.v. and play video games. All that energy bouncing around all over the place makes me nervous. So this year I've been searching everywhere for clever things to occupy their little minds. Since I'm ballin' on a budget, I can't just see & buy...it's more intricate (in other words, free-ninety-nine). Family Fun magazine is my best friend right now as well as a couple mommy blogs. They pick up where my creativity leaves off..or lacks..whatever. Any suggestions would be welcomed and oh-so groovy.
Today, Caleb, Colin and I walked to the school to get the kids. It's funny the little things you notice and associate with the "Grand Scheme" of things. On the 15 minute trek back, I was observing how all the kids were staggered here and there. Katy, as always, was in the front of the pack with a couple neighbor kids her age. She's a born leader. I remember having to fill out a questionnaire at the beginning of the school year for her teacher. It was detailed and I was salivating at the opportunity!! I was asked to describe her in 3 words; it took me a split second to write 1) leader 2) bright
3)stubborn. She is her mother's daughter for sure! Cayden follows the strongest members of the "pack" so he was just behind his big sister- an independent tag-along that is anything but a typical middle child. He's an artist in his own rite and fun to spy on when he's doin his own thing. Kennadi lagged behind with me and Colin..sorry..Colin and I. She worries. About everything. And her burden of the moment was that we weren't safe walking alone. *hearts* She's a remarkable human being and it's my pleasure to watch her grow into an extraordinary young lady. Caleb was bouncing between the two groups..unregimented..unallied. True to character. He has befriended the young and old. A very likeable little spirit. Lastly, Colin. Ever the baby. I carried him most of the way because he's my nature lover. Content to watch ants and grasshoppers hours on end. Which he attempted to do..several times.
While I don't define them by these little observations, I do think that there is a method in the madness. They are 5 very individual personalities. I'm learning to deal with them seperately and according to their personal needs..poorly but learning nonetheless. I wonder if that Duggar chick ever just sits and appreciates her 20-ish children on an individual basis....